I fully intended to write about the price of being a follower and the cost of being a leader. But I was putting lil dude to sleep and I just had to capture this moment in writing.
He goes to bed around 8 pm and usually stirs between 11 or 12. Our routine has been for me to feed him his 4or so ounces, bounce him on the inflatable yoga ball and then gingerly slip him into bed.
In between the bouncy ball and the rhythmic swaying is the moment I can find no equal for in life. You see, his right arm is usually tucked between my torso and my left arm. It allows me to have his head resting on my forearm, and my right arm and hand are supporting his butt and back. As he’s falling asleep, I can see his left hand twitching, it then finds it’s way to my nose and clasps it awkwardly, wrist and hand still twitching with no sense of controlled movement.
The part that I’m finding amusing every single time, is that the tucked away hand is also doing the same. Except imagine the gentlest feather unpredictably brushing against the most ticklish part of your body, so ticklish you didn’t think it possible. I’m trying to put this guy to sleep and the tickle torture is SO strong, but I have to force my self to stifle the laughter that’s roaring away in my belly and contorting my face. The shuddering I learned to mask by bouncing even more vigorously on the bouncy ball. It’s simultaneously the funniest and most frustrating moment I’ve experienced, and throughout my heart is filling with warmth.
I think these sleepy time tickle torture moments with lil bud were one of the first moments when I fully experienced that thing you hear parents tell you about children. It’s really the strangest joyful feeling.