You ever notice slight changes in yourself, at the defining moments?
For instance, in a room full of strangers, and as an observer, I was called upon to suddenly present something I was not equipped nor willing to present.
There has been poor communication in regards to how the team has expanded. As a result responsibilities are not clearly defined. This resulted in the newest addition to the team making a decision they were not willing to follow through on by taking ownership. They literally picked up the dung, walked it up to where I sat and told the client, he's going to present this to you now!
In a room full of people talking at cross purpose, all I could do was communicate clearly what I thought they could all agree on. It worked.
I realized I did not panic, my breathing was under control, I did not stutter, I did not get hot or flushed. All eyes were on me. I think I've overcome something. I can't place a name on it yet.
However, I also realized that no matter what, I can't be placed in a position where I was caught unawares. I didn't know all the people in the room. I didn't know their history within the organization, the projects they were championing internally, the people they were competing with. I didn't chart risks, nor did I make efforts to manage this project. I thought the people with seniority were handling all of that, I thought I was in a purely service design role. It's the people with seniority that put me up as a sacrificial lamb.
Oddly enough, this same person had already told me they would behave in this manner. They relayed to me their experience working with this kind of client, how they witnessed teams competing and infighting with some really shady things happening so that people can continue to collect their salary. They also said the same is true in the world of consulting they were a part of, that if a project is going south, the blame is immediately assigned so that one's neck is preserved.
Previous me would have let this slide. This me, will print the 'generative interactions' and 'expanding situational curiosity' cards to review what happened.