This word came out of my mouth, and immediately I found myself in a state that was anything but. Oh irony of ironies. Just 10 hours prior to this episode I was listening to a book on Bucke's Cosmic Consciousness, where he encourages people to recognize when they're in simple consciousness (lizard brain) and embrace cosmic consciousness (Dolphin brain?).
In any case, I understood today that my usual calm state of responding to situations turns into lizard brain reactions when I don't have full control of the information I'm exposed to. In this case, I didn't have my glasses on, which would have impacted my decision to encourage someone to relax.
What made it worse, is that I said that word in a tone of voice that opposed all meaning of the word. After apologizing profusely, horrified at my berating this person with my utterance of this single word. I spent the better part of 3 hours lamenting my lapse in judgement. I've not had exposure to a moment like this in sometime, a moment where I have a chance to question who I am, in terms of how I act.
I might need to relax.